Through serial large-scale figurative paintings, I address various concerns of the body as a site of trauma, specifically focusing on how the body retains imprints of sexual assault. These series explore fragmented memory, isolation, distortion of reality, loss of self, dissociation, and unease within–and containment of–the body. To express internal discomfort outwardly, I use the confines of the canvas to restrict the body, compressing the figures into uncomfortable positions. Likewise, my choice of unnatural colors rather than flesh tones seeks to add an increased sense of alienation with the body, similar to experiencing a dissociated state. Highly saturated colors create a disconnect between content and medium in which bright and vibrant palettes reveal darker content over time.
Nude and often frontally facing, the figures I paint are exposed, alone, and vulnerable in their dreamlike environments. Enclosed walls and deserted landscapes act as symbols of derealization, creating surreal snapshots of intrusive thoughts or memories within a distorted context. My figures, who rarely meet the viewer's eyes, gaze apathetically into the distance as if lost in these memories. Areas where layers of paint are wiped away and become less articulated contrast against sharper brushstrokes, denoting a hyper-fixation on areas of the body, pulling the viewer's focus to each fold or crease.
My paintings often begin with a passing feeling or a flash of memory that I dive deeper into through trauma research and psychoanalysis. This process includes investigating the analysis of psychiatrists like Judith Herman and Bessel van der Kolk but can also involve discussing lived experiences with friends and loved ones. Because I work in series, I categorize these ideas thematically, which ultimately leads to the aesthetic of the painting. In 2020, for example, I created a series that featured the repeated motif of a figure compressed within enclosing walls. These walls depict the inside of a room while simultaneously referencing the vast outside world by incorporating landscape elements. This series reflected the feeling of isolation, both physical and emotional, that results from sexual assault. In my current works, I lean further into surrealistic elements to express derealization. In these paintings, the figures are confronted with glowing fireflies, luna moths, daisy chains, and flowing bodies of water. These symbols create an artistic language to address fragmented memory's slippery, fleeting nature.
Philosopher Susan Bordo imagines the body as a “politically inscribed entity… shaped and marked by histories and practices of containment and control.” My figures exemplify histories of control through their physical confinement and imposing presence as the site of trauma. Sexual assault is an act of control that results in an indelible image that is painfully bound to an unescapable body. My choices in scale enable the viewer to place themselves within these bodies, inviting reflection on mutually shared discomfort. While my painting process begins with a source of trauma, the connections found in creating these bodies result in some form of healing, making each painting a cyclical reflection of recovery.